Two phrases I hear on a regular basis: motivation and accountability.
From shoppers, readers, and individuals who need to get more healthy however can’t appear to make it stick.
Whereas they sound easy, each are literally…sophisticated.
When somebody says, “I simply want extra accountability,” what that actually means can range loads.
- Generally it’s about methods and construction.
- Generally it’s about readability on their objectives and how you can obtain them.
- And typically, it’s about how we personally reply to expectations – each from ourselves and from others.
Why no single “system” suits everybody
If you happen to’ve ever learn books like Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Energy of Behavior by Charles Duhigg, or Change by Chip and Dan Heath, you recognize there are quite a lot of frameworks on the market for understanding habits.
After 15 years of teaching, right here’s what I’ve discovered:
None of those methods are foolproof. None of them absolutely seize how advanced individuals actually are.
However that’s not the purpose. Each is a lens. A brand new vantage level that helps us see our habits and struggles otherwise.
And while you’re caught, typically that’s precisely what you want: a contemporary perspective that offers you a brand new approach to strategy issues.
Enter The 4 Tendencies
A number of years in the past, our total teaching group learn The 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, and it supplied some actually key insights that we’ve baked into our teaching program and the way we take into consideration serving to individuals ever since.
The fundamental idea is that this: individuals reply to inside and exterior expectations otherwise. By understanding which expectations you thrive with, and that are a battle, you’ll be able to work with your pure tendencies as a substitute of preventing towards them.
The commonest tendency we see is The Obliger.
Obligers are the glue of a group or household. They meet outer expectations (deadlines, commitments, serving to others), however resist internal ones (self-care, private objectives, boundaries).
Sound acquainted?
If you happen to’ve ever mentioned:
“I do know what I needs to be doing… however I can’t appear to do it for me,”
…you may be on this group.
Certainly one of our shoppers described it completely:
“Each little bit of vitality feels consumed by surviving my workday, assembly the wants of my household, serving to with the wants of others… there’s too little self-care and self-prioritization in my life right now.
I do know I deliver the scenario upon myself. I’m wired to decide to issues, to be concerned, to need to be wanted and valued and acknowledged. However it comes at a value. The calls for from different individuals or issues depart little left for me.”
That’s the Obliger expertise in a nutshell.
And let me be clear, this isn’t about weak spot or lack of willpower.
Actually, Obligers get SO MUCH executed.
The issue is that they usually sacrifice their very own objectives to assist others, which might result in well being challenges within the long-run.
How we assist Obligers succeed
At Nerd Health Teaching, we assist Obligers by offering three key helps: exterior accountability, Dial Mode changes, and monitoring wins as they accumulate to bolster and reward their progress.
Right here’s how one can translate these into your individual apply:
- A coach or exercise buddy you checks in and celebrates wins with you
- A guidelines or monitoring system that makes your progress seen
- Constructing out a Dial Mode – i.e. a plan for various kinds of days so you’ll be able to modify accordingly and keep away from burnout
- Reframing objectives as one thing that advantages others – i.e. “I’m exercising so I’ve extra vitality for my children.”
As you’ll discover, a number of of these are about externalizing your accountability.
Right here’a one other enjoyable tactic: write a letter out of your future self to your present self thanks for displaying up. That is the precise factor that clicked for my shopper Gina. When issues bought hectic, writing that letter made her really feel accountable to her future self (in a great way!). That easy shift helped her keep constant by way of a chaotic month.
The Hidden Hazard: burnout and the “pause button”
Obligers usually tackle an excessive amount of.
They juggle 1,000,000 competing expectations – deadlines, household, coworkers, neighborhood.
And when all of it will get too heavy, they have a tendency to hit the massive purple pause button on SOME of these.
“I simply can’t cope with all of this proper now. I’ll get again to it later.”
Completely comprehensible. And actually, it’s an act of self-preservation. They CAN’T maintain going at 100 miles per hour.
We regularly see of us on this state of affairs attempt to reduce out all of those outdoors expectations with the hope that they’ll lastly have time to deal with themselves later.
It sounds logical, however it normally backfires.
As a result of Obligers really thrive with some type of exterior accountability.
So the important thing isn’t to remove expectations. It’s to curate them.
Listed below are a couple of counterintuitive questions I prefer to ask to just do that:
What are the advantages of NOT transferring in direction of aim X proper now?
And what are the results of continuous to maneuver in direction of it?
By reversing the previous “professional/con” listing, we are able to get quite a lot of readability on what feels good to you!
Massive image takeaway
Motivation and accountability aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Understanding your “tendency” provides you a brand new lens – and utilizing instruments particular to your wants will increase your possibilities of success within the long-run.
If you wish to see the place you land, you’ll be able to take the free quiz from Gretchen right here -> https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/
Let me know which tendency you get! (I’m a Questioner! 🙋♂️)
-Matt
P.S. Enjoyable reality: ~60% of the individuals we work with at Nerd Health Teaching determine as Obligers. Everybody’s wants are totally different, which is why we design teaching round you, not generic motivation hacks. If that sounds just like the form of construction you’ve been lacking, I’d love to speak to you. Simply hit reply to this e-mail. ❤️
